Where is my authority as mother?

I had been very busy lately. I wanted to post a lot of photos and share my stories but no extra time available for me to do it. Every night, not enough sleep. I had just started a new course which have to do a lot of assignments, presentations and prepare for quizs. Everyday after school, come back home to look after my daughter until late night. Yuxin's daddy was posted overseas and unlikely to come back in this year. This makes me more busy as I have to tackle my daughter alone. She is not an easy child to handle (maybe for me only). It really drain a lot of my energy. I can only wake up very early in the morning like 4-5am (sometimes too tired and wake up at 6am) to do my studying. Now I'm very derived from sleep.

Oh... to keep it short because I almost forgotten to write what I wanted. Every now and then, when come to educate and teach Yuxin my way, I always meet obstacles. Sometimes, I don't agree with Yuxin's daddy but it's ok because if I really insisted I can fight with him. The real problem lies when the obstacles is not her daddy. I am unable to list out everything but just to share a bit on today story.

Yuxin wanted to drink Yakult before her dinner and I did not allowed her to drink. Of course, she cried and insisted to have it. If I have the authority and nobody came to interfere, I can handle her well. Let her make noise and after sometime she will give in. I need to train her that she cannot always have what she wanted. I have to lay the rules and boundaries. I will definitely need to bear with her cries and screams. For her, I think it need at least 30 mins but I still can make her give in. So up to now do you know what is the obstacle that I'm facing? Not me, not my rules, not my daughter but are my ... ( I cannot name it - but can guess right?) This is not the first time and definitely will not be the last time.

You will asked why don't you voice out and do it your way? It is never easy. It is definitely hard to stay together. People from different backgrounds, different values, different education, different environment, different experiences, different exposure, so many differences... how to have the same view or objective? Especially, human is an defensive creature. Most of the time, people may take your words personally. Base on my previous experiences, even words not from my mouth, the fault will be me also. Maybe because I from the "external" and I don't bear their surname.

Sometimes I will questioned myself. Why should I make myself so unhappy? Why don't I stick to my previous concept of being single? Life was so simple and carefree and happy previously. There are so many whys? However, now it is no point to ask why since I cannot turn back the clock. You may ask me to look forward to the future. I am even more worry on that. I know definitely for sure there will be more problem ahead. Especially on the financial part because we not only have to support our child (maybe children in future... I don't know), there will be more to come. I don't see any bright light ahead of me yet. Hope that I would not fall, hope that I can see the light soon, hope everything goes smoothly. I don't ask for a lot just live comfortably is enough. I am not asking for a lot, right?