Saturday, December 20, 2008

I'm back...finally

Wow!!! I have been MIA for a super long time... I'm extremely busy for the pass months... No time to sleep well, don't even consider to update my blog... Hopefully, I can squeeze more time to tell you, my friends, what had happened... See you soon!!!

Monday, June 30, 2008

Where is my authority as mother?

I had been very busy lately. I wanted to post a lot of photos and share my stories but no extra time available for me to do it. Every night, not enough sleep. I had just started a new course which have to do a lot of assignments, presentations and prepare for quizs. Everyday after school, come back home to look after my daughter until late night. Yuxin's daddy was posted overseas and unlikely to come back in this year. This makes me more busy as I have to tackle my daughter alone. She is not an easy child to handle (maybe for me only). It really drain a lot of my energy. I can only wake up very early in the morning like 4-5am (sometimes too tired and wake up at 6am) to do my studying. Now I'm very derived from sleep.

Oh... to keep it short because I almost forgotten to write what I wanted. Every now and then, when come to educate and teach Yuxin my way, I always meet obstacles. Sometimes, I don't agree with Yuxin's daddy but it's ok because if I really insisted I can fight with him. The real problem lies when the obstacles is not her daddy. I am unable to list out everything but just to share a bit on today story.

Yuxin wanted to drink Yakult before her dinner and I did not allowed her to drink. Of course, she cried and insisted to have it. If I have the authority and nobody came to interfere, I can handle her well. Let her make noise and after sometime she will give in. I need to train her that she cannot always have what she wanted. I have to lay the rules and boundaries. I will definitely need to bear with her cries and screams. For her, I think it need at least 30 mins but I still can make her give in. So up to now do you know what is the obstacle that I'm facing? Not me, not my rules, not my daughter but are my ... ( I cannot name it - but can guess right?) This is not the first time and definitely will not be the last time.

You will asked why don't you voice out and do it your way? It is never easy. It is definitely hard to stay together. People from different backgrounds, different values, different education, different environment, different experiences, different exposure, so many differences... how to have the same view or objective? Especially, human is an defensive creature. Most of the time, people may take your words personally. Base on my previous experiences, even words not from my mouth, the fault will be me also. Maybe because I from the "external" and I don't bear their surname.

Sometimes I will questioned myself. Why should I make myself so unhappy? Why don't I stick to my previous concept of being single? Life was so simple and carefree and happy previously. There are so many whys? However, now it is no point to ask why since I cannot turn back the clock. You may ask me to look forward to the future. I am even more worry on that. I know definitely for sure there will be more problem ahead. Especially on the financial part because we not only have to support our child (maybe children in future... I don't know), there will be more to come. I don't see any bright light ahead of me yet. Hope that I would not fall, hope that I can see the light soon, hope everything goes smoothly. I don't ask for a lot just live comfortably is enough. I am not asking for a lot, right?

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Victim of HFMD

Finally, Yuxin has recovered from HFMD (but still having bit of cough) and went to school today. On the 26th April, Mommy saw there were some spots on Yuxin's hands, foot and legs while bathing Yuxin. To my horror, I quickly called Daddy to come and see. Oh dear... both of us were very worried. I quickly bath Yuxin and brought her to clinic.

What we had been worrying for the last month had finally came "true". Unfortunately, she caught the disease but god bless that her case is minor. She did not had any blister on her mouth. I must really 谢天谢地 !(Thanks God!)

Although Yuxin has recovered last weekend but she had quite a lonely birthday celebration. Nobody dare to come because people are worried for their children. Only one relative family came. I can understand their feeling. If I put myself in their shoe, I may react the same way.

Quite disappointed! This is the first year that Yuxin understand what is birthday. This is the first year that maybe she can remember what had happened in her birthday. This is the first year that she is looking forward to cut her birthday cake... yet such thing happened. The night before, we were decorating the living room. She was so happy singing birthday song. The next morning, when she woke up, the first thing she did was ran out to living room and sang birthday song.

Actually Yuxin did enjoyed herself. She doesn't know who and who did not come. She enjoyed the presence of her cousins, she enjoyed blowing out the candles (twice some more), she enjoyed cutting the cake and she likes to receive presents. That night, she was so happy playing with her new toys that she played until 1am plus. Maybe it was not so bad afterall.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

ASSOOOO... Continued...

I would like to share with you all some of the incidences that I had been through with this ass. Every time I was hurt, I told myself that I can get over it and be strong. I wanted to try and give my very best to success in this career. Too bad… If I was working with a better manager, things could be different.

Example 1 – STINGY, UNGENEROUS, ETC…

Like all other new staffs, I had to attend a course for beginners. This is the beginning that I get to find out more and more things. Initially, every meeting was only between me and ass so it was like I get my main source of info through him only. From these new friends, I found out that all of their managers paid for their exam fees. This could cost up to a few hundred dollars. I was the only one who has to pay for my own exam fees.

Some of you may not understand. What exam fees? Well, in order to work for this job, you need to be certified by passing the necessary exams, which is a rule & regulations from the government. If you failed for the first time, you can keep going for re-test and of course you have to pay for every test. I was told that some managers will pay for all the exam fees and some will only pay for the first attempt (so you will not abuse the privilege) and rarely some DON’T PAY. Unfortunately, I got one rare one. Hahaha… So ‘lucky’, right? I didn’t know about all this until the day I get to know new colleagues.

Example 2 – SARCASTIC, MEAN, UNREASONABLE, ETC…

Shortly after the beginner course, I need to spend some time to study for two more exams. So I told him I will not be able to come office. He scolded me badly. He criticized me.

Ass : “You will not be successful because you cannot multi-task. You don’t need so much time to study. In future, you go outside to work you will not be successful… blah blah blah…”

I was angry and I argued with him. He cannot listen to people’s explanation. He was just being unreasonable. To me, I myself paid for the exams and I wanted to pass it on the first time. Furthermore, he thought I can stay at home whole day to study. Of course not, I still have to look after my child and the time left to study was not much.

This was not the only time he scolded me ‘Not Successful’. There were a few more times. I can guarantee that every time he was very unreasonable.

Example 3 – SARCASTIC, MEAN, ETC…

For those who know me, you will know that I hardly wear skirt. This is my individual preference. So one fine day, this ass mentioned how come I never see you wear skirt before. I didn’t bother to answer him. I don’t think I have to wear skirt to close a sale. Do you agree with me? Then after a while, few of us went to have a tea-break at coffeeshop. The ass being not satisfied on his sarcastic appetite started shooting his arrows against me. He asked his part-time clerk the following questions.

Ass : “Tell me what is the reason that a woman who doesn’t wear skirt?”
Clerk : “For convenience, for work which need to move around and carry things.”
Ass: “Any other reasons?”
Clerk : “Don’t know.”
Ass : “Of course there are many other reasons. Maybe the woman has hairy legs or has fatty legs or ugly legs or her leg has some scars.”

Will you be mad when someone said this to you? It was worst till he said it to a 3rd party which is indirectly scolding you. I was really angry at that time and almost wanted to scold him pervert. I control and control and swallow my sorrow.

Example 4 – Boastful, Unprofessional, Think-He-Know-It-All, ETC

For this trade, you really have to be dependent on your manager to learn lots of skill and product knowledge. I do have nice colleagues to help me when I asked them questions. However, the manager must be obliged to train new staff which is the company requirement. Do you think he has done his job well? Think about it after reading these examples.

a) Me : “What does this mean? How to explain to customer?”
Ass : “Don’t worry. Nobody will ask this. Even if there is, it is only a very small
portion. This mean… blah blah blah… You can flip to this page and explain it
accordingly. Then after that quickly change topic.”

b) Ass : “Sign these training documents.”
Me : (Reading through what is the content. This document is a record to prove that the manager has given the new staff ‘so & so’ training.)
Ass : “No need to read, just sign. No one bother to read.”

Actually, what was written inside is not the true fact. It is for show only.

c) Ass : “It is impossible to train you all the products. You just have to know Product A, B, C & D will do. Go out and practice with these knowledge first. If you are good enough, just by selling these few products can earn a living.”

d) Ass : “Product X, Y & Z commission is very low. No point selling and training.”

e) Ass : “You still have not able to sell A, B, C or D, no point to train you more.”

f) Me : “I have customers comparing our product with another company.”
Ass : “Just counter by saying this & that… blah blah blah… Sometimes customers who are picky & choosey we can just forgo them. No point wasting your time.”

To me, this is so unprofessional. We should be good not only in our own products and also competitors’, especially him. At least, we have to point out which area of our products is better, instead of saying just forgo. Every consumer has the right to compare and it is explain to customer in a more professional manner.

Example 5 – MEAN, STINGY, CALCULATIVE, CHEAP, ETC

One fine day, in the middle of a meeting in the presence of colleagues, he made me very angry and upset. I left the meeting after he said those mean words to me.

Ass : “Do you have EQ?”
Me : “Yes.”
Ass : “I don’t think so. You don’t have EQ.”
Me : “Why?”
Ass : “Because I buy you lunch and you didn’t said thank you. I don’t know what is your
family upbringing… blah blah blah…”

What the fuck! I wanted to scold him back but I controlled. In the end I walked out of the meeting. Initially, when we have lunch together, I always wanted to return him the money but he refused to take it. After a few times, the same thing happened, I pay but he refused to take. I thought he always want to treat his staffs for lunch/dinner. Then I had stopped pushing the money here and there, to me it just doesn’t look good. Will you react the same as me? I felt no point every time I have to push the money here and there.

At first, I thought he wanted to show his generosity. Or maybe he thought I can bring in big bucks for him very quickly. After some time, he saw that my result was slow and he changed his attitude so quickly.

Furthermore, we only eat hawker food. Every time, he was the one who wanted me to join him for lunch/dinner. Sometimes I really don’t feel like eating but since he kept asking so I just join in.

I remembered that ‘EQ’ meeting happened shortly after CNY. He as a manager felt obligated to treat his staffs for ‘Lo Hei’ and maybe he felt I don’t deserve his treat but he cannot say so. That’s why he was finding one opportunity to arrow me. Actually, that day I don’t even feel like eating because I had gum problem but I felt that must give face to people so never mind just join in. I should have rejected the lunch treat.

Who do you think has no EQ? Me or the ass?

There were many other stories to share but that could be too long-winded. The final incident was the worst which make me decided to leave. As the incident involved a 3rd party and it was complicated so I shall not discussed it here. Ever since I had joined him, I became very stress, upset, demoralize and angry. I couldn’t even sleep well occasionally. I am glad that I had left. If not, I will have to suffer silently.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Yuxin was sicked again

Yuxin visited the doctor on last Monday (21/04) due to a bad running nose and a fever. The night before was tough for her because she couldn't sleep well due to the flu. She kept rubbing her nose in the mid-night and couldn't breath smoothly when she was lying down.

She just started her school for 3 weeks only and she had already visited the doctor for 3 times (which cost us around S$100). The first time was because of fever. Then later she had cough and phlegm so visited doctor for the 2nd time. Maybe she was not fully recovered and we let her went back to childcare that's why her phlegm got worsen and now lead to running nose.

To make things worse, her childcare had some cases of hand foot mouth disease so we were wondering should we send her back to school. Up to now, she still has phlegm and bit of running nose. (Why the viruses are so strong and doesn't want to leave my Yuxin alone?!) So her body resistance is still weak. How can I feel safe to let her go back school? (Also wasted money for this month school fee since most of the days she was sicked and couldn't attend school.)

Sigh... What a headache! :(
Let's hope that the peak of HFMD be gone soon and Yuxin can build up her body resistance.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

TagBoard is having problem

For the pass few days, I have been trying to leave some messages into my tagboard but don't know why it cannot be done. Friends, I would like to reply you but have to wait till I fix the problem... Btw, any one having the some problem too?

Friday, April 11, 2008

Yuxin in Childcare

My little Yuxin has just started attending childcare (full day) last Wednesday. This is the start of nightmare. She did cry in the childcare centre but for a while only so it’s not too bad at school. After she came back from school, she starts to vent her anger and frustrations to her family, especially her mother. Even very very small things can agitated her, she became very fussy and she can cried so sadly as if we had ill-treated her. This really drained a lot of my energy and it is really really not easy to calm and console Yuxin. For the first few nights, it was horrible and every time she cried, it will last for hours. We never saw Yuxin behaved like that before.

Maybe Mommy had spoiled her previously or maybe Yuxin is a demanding child or maybe she feel very upset that Mommy send her to school because she thought Mommy don’t like her anymore, or maybe……

Day 1 (3 Apr 2008)
Happily go school and Mommy just stand aside to watch her enjoying the activities. Her lunch time is at 12pm and Mommy helped to feed Yuxin on the first day. Then followed by bathing and then milk time for napping. Mommy left the school when Yuxin was drinking her milk at around 1 pm. I thought so far so good but when I went to fetch her at around 5pm plus she was crying badly. The moment Yuxin saw me, she quickly ran to me and hugged me tightly and wanted me to carry her. The teacher told me that Yuxin started crying when she saw other parents came to fetch their children so the teacher advised me to come at around 4.30pm if possible for the beginning. When we were on our way home, Yuxin said “Mommy, 我想你(I miss you).” I replied “I miss you too.”

Day 2 (4 Apr 2008)
As usual, I had to wake Yuxin for school in the morning. However, she don’t want to wake up and said she don’t want to go to school. I tried to comfort her and told her school is fun and she agreed to go school without much resistance. This day, Mommy accompany Yuxin until 11.30am before she have her lunch. By 4.30pm, I went to fetch Yuxin and she seemed ok.

Day 3 (5 Apr 2008)
Ah ha… This day, she seemed to know I will leave her alone in school so she wanted me to stay beside her and I cannot stay at a corner to watch. After a while, Yuxin said she wanted to go home so I tried to talk to her to make her calm down but this can only last for sometime. Later, she totally did not want to play and tried to pull me away and wanted to go home and she looked like wanting to cry. The teacher advised me that it is better for me to leave now otherwise if I leave after her lunch, it may not be good for her digestion if she cry. I agreed with the teacher and left. Of course, Yuxin cried badly when I left her. Poor girl… Mommy love you, please don’t cry! By 4.30pm, Mommy was anxious to go fetch Yuxin and wondered how she is. I decided to bring her buy ice cream after school to make her happy. When I arrived and saw her in school, she was enjoying and I felt so relieved. The teacher told me that Yuxin only cried for a while and then she was back to normal.

When we walked out of the childcare, I told Yuxin that we were going to buy ice cream. I asked “Do you like ice cream?” She said yes. So we hold each other’s hand and walked happily to supermarket and I didn’t know nightmare is coming and I can be so embarrassed in the public. As I had mentioned before, even since Yuxin started attending childcare, she purposely misbehaved at home and became very demanding and very ordering and kept crying very badly. So Yuxin brought all of these ‘assets’ to the supermarket. After I had chosen the ice cream, Yuxin wanted to open immediately. I told her that she had to wait until Mommy get one more item and pay money first before you can open.

Do you think she will listen to my instructions? Ha ha… Easy guess, right? She insisted to hold onto the ice cream box and she managed to tear open the plastic wrapping. So Mommy was like doing wrestling with her in the supermarket, pulling her to walk and trying to snatch away her ice cream. I could not think of anything but to quickly pay money and leave. Even when I was paying at the cashier, Yuxin was still crying and making a lot of noise. After paying, I wanted to quickly leave who knows the ice cream promoter came and told me I had forgotten to ask for my free bag. This auntie also reprimanded Yuxin for making so much noise and make Mommy forgotten to do things.

So I quickly followed the auntie to get the bag and Yuxin was still trying to snatch the ice cream. Then, the auntie asked “Which colour you want?” I said “Anything will do.” So the auntie gave me a purple bag. Do you think the story end here? Because I had took the bag and can now leave the supermarket. Hahaha… Not yet…

Yuxin had switched and divert her attention to the PURPLE bag. On my way out, she managed to snatch the purple bag out of the plastic bag and she cried loudly “I don’t want purple bag, I want pink colour bag!” Then she THREW the purple bag back inside the supermarket. Three of the supermarket staffs were nearby and one of them picked up the bag for me. I was so very embarrassed by that time. I took back the bag and carry Yuxin and walked away as quickly as possible. By the time I reached home, Yuxin was still screaming that she wanted a pink bag. Oh my god! Actually, she doesn’t really fancy on the bag, she was just finding another opportunity to cry and vent her frustrations.

On the Weekends
Do you think she will not misbehave on weekends since there is no schooling? No no… Whenever there is a chance, she will start her crying again…

Day 4 (7 Apr 2008)
Monday, Mommy have to go office so I quickly drop Yuxin and left. Of course, cry again but teacher told me for a while only. I came back to fetch her at 5.30pm and she look happy in school.

Day 5 (8 Apr 2008)
Routine repeat again. Yuxin cried a while when I left and look happy when I fetch her.

Day 6 (9 Apr 2008)
Oh dear! Yuxin had fever! I was worried that she might get hand foot mouth disease since now is the peak period of this disease spreading. I quickly checked her hands, foot and mouth and found nothing. We let her see doctor immediately and luckily no sign of HFMD.

Last night (10 Apr), I told Yuxin if you recovered from fever you have to go school tomorrow. She replied “No. I cannot go school. I am still having fever.” She kept trying to convince me not to let her go school because she is sick. At such a young age, she can find excuses not to go school already. Nowadays, kids are really smart.

Today, Yuxin visited the doctor again because of cough and phlegm. Up to now, she is still behaving oddly. Hopefully, she can get use to go childcare and stop all her crying soon.